Well, sorry I haven't been on in a bit, but life gets in the way...or should I say, life with a cancer diagnosis gets in the way.
This was my second month of a "normal" break in my cycle of chemotherapy. I keep hoping I'm going to get my energy level back and sadly, I don't. Which leads me to the real topic of the day: depression+no energy=no bueno!
I'm quite the Polly Anna, most of the time, but what I've learned from my uber fabulous Gastro & Oncologist, depression is very much a part of pancreatic cancer. Even more so than other cancers. It's part of the pathophysiology, but unknown as to why. There are studies on this & of course, I plan to do a little pubmed research this week. :)
All I know is that I live and breathe (a good thing with a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer) by my bloodwork. The biggest challenge I seem to be having now, is my energy, which of course is tied to red blood cells. To add to this, for today's fun-filled adventure in chemotherapy, my platelets are starting to be off. Although not low, but high which I am told is related to being anemic and on chemotherapy. Still need to verify that with my Oncologist. Who, by the way, one an award last week! Back to my blood. I attempted to ride my bike this past weekend. I've been doing some walking trying to build up some stamina, but hadn't been on my bike. Well, I tried and "kicked ass" for about a mile...lol! Huge accomplishment! Then I had a little "episode" while talking with my neighbor. I thought I was hypoglycemic because my vision was going, but apparently I was having a little problem because of my anemia. I checked my bloodsugar and it was actually, 129. My hemoglobin is low, duh...chemo & I learned, I really can't exercise much. Bummer! I was so wanting to ride my bike everyday! I have to remember, baby steps. Bummer=depressed :(
I'm still hoping to go back to work, soon! I was hoping for the first of July, but I have to get my bloodwork & energy levels consistent before I could travel for my job like I need to. Plus, my Oncologist is like the great and powerful Oz! He makes most of my major decisions now, or it just seems that way. Like IF I can travel and WHEN I can return to work. Again, Bummer! I'm not used to letting someone else make my decisions for me, but I kind of have to have him in charge since he's kind of a big deal & an expert on pancreatic adenocarcinoma & he's trying to keep me alive for many years.
So, BUMMER is my word for the day...and yet, I understand that for a pancreatic cancer patient, I'm doing really well and grateful to be alive 4 months post diagnosis.
Yes, it's been 4 months now! Sadly, about 80% of people like me have metastatic disease and are told they only have about 90 days to live. So, I realize how blessed I am...but I'm still fighting the most lethal cancer on the planet and my odds of being here in 5 years are about 10-20%...
So, I'll end on a Positive Pancreatic Cancer Princess note:
I'll beat you, you witch! You may knock my energy levels down, but I'll find a way to bounce back.
I am NOT the kind of girl to lie down and give up. There's a solution and a silver lining...TO EVERYTHING in life.
Much love & TBtoG...We have been given another day!
hang in there sister!!! great big love and healing thoughts from wyoming!!!!! xxoooxxxooooooooooooooooooo
ReplyDeleteI can tell you are low and I can also tell you that it is to be expected. You can also tell me to shut up because you are tired of hearing that. I have decided that there is not such thing as normal. We think we have everything figured out and then we have kids. "You just need to find a new normal." With kids, everyday is a different day filled with challenges. Once we think we have a handle, something else gets in the way. For me, my mom's cancer, for you same thing only this time it is happening to you. There is no normal. Life is a challenge, some are bigger than others. We are born, we die. Those are the only two things that are normal. Everything else is life. You are going to make it Alyson. I don't know why I know that but I do. You have to get through this bump, but you are going to make it. You give me hope and you inspire me to keep tackling all of the challenges that life brings. So, be down, be depressed, get frustrated and angry. Then when it is over, rejoice and live. I hope this make sense. It does in my head. You are one of a kind.
ReplyDeleteGreg's oncologist also said that with PC it is more common than others to suffer from anxiety and depression. You are doing such a great job! Make sure you are on some medicine to help with the anxiety! It makes life easier! I wish I could sit here and say that everything is going to be all right! But I bet you are tired of hearing that, huh? :) Things that help Greg are doing things that make him happy. Seeing his kids, eating (when he can..), and the other day we finally made it to a Star Trek movie... haha. He loved that! <3
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