Perspective

Perspective:

All of the following disease I've been personally touched by: 

Alzheimer's Disease

Epilepsy

Pancreatic Cancer

My Grandmother & Mother both died from Alzheimer's. My son was diagnosed with Epilepsy at age 6 & is at risk of dying from a phenomena known as SUDEP (Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy) and you all know my story with Pancreatic Cancer. All are represented by the symbol of the purple ribbon. 

Today, there are no survivors of Alzheimer’s. If you do not die from it, you die with it. In 2010, 83,494 Americans died of Alzheimer’s disease. Up to 50,000 Americans die each year from seizures and related causes. 36,800 Americans die from pancreatic cancer. ALL of these diseases are personal to me and ALL are deadly. More importantly, to me, ALL are seriously underfunded at the NIH. 

This is what keeps my cancer in perspective: 

I watched the two most important women in my life forget who I was. They forgot their grandchildren, their children and a husband of more than 50 years.  The two women who helped mold me into the woman I grew in to, forgot my name. The Mom I turned out to be was heavily influenced by the example of my most loving and selfless, grandmother, Neenie. I watched her & then my Mom deteriorate over years into a shell of a person and then the "death rattle" began and the Grim Reaper was upon them, stealing the memories and ultimately stealing their breath.

I have watched a 6 year old struggle with the stigma of Epilepsy & deal with the effects of active seizures. It has been the hardest struggle of my life, BY FAR, watching my child go through tests, ER visits and take medication every day to help save his life. I STILL live every day in fear of Epilepsy killing my only child, NOT a cancer trying to kill me. In spite of Epilepsy, my son grew into a confident young man that lives life every day to the fullest. He's loyal & compassionate. He's my hero & a role model for me.

We have talked many times about our deaths. Probably because death has always been in the background of our daily lives. The fear of his potential death & living with the untimely death of my big sister when she was only 5, made it essential to discuss living and the end of life.  Kyle & I came to an agreement many years ago before my cancer: We will celebrate life. We will not embrace death, nor allow the Grim Reaper to dictate our daily lives.

I'm grateful for each day & I'm grateful it isn't my son battling cancer. 

To me, I'll take Pancreatic Cancer EVERY SINGLE DAY as long as my son is doing well. I'll take dying of Pancreatic Cancer over Alzheimer's so I won't forget who my son is years before my death. 

THAT my friends, is MY perspective. All we have is today. 

"Get up, look up & never give up."~Michael Irvin

HELP! Prayers & donations needed!

As one of my fellow princess warrior fights for her life today, I ask 2 things: 

1) pray for her surgeons and a successful surgery to relieve her pain & help her continue to fight 

2) donate to Pancan & PurpleStride-Nashville.

Let me ask you, what were you doing at 26 years of age? Were you diagnosed with what they call the most "lethal cancer" on the planet? Were you trying to find the best of the best physicians to lead you in the fight for your life? If you weren't, drop to your knees and thank God, Buddha, Jehovah, Mother Earth or whomever that you didn't have to face that challenge. Ashley did have to face that challenge. She's young, beautiful, smart and driven, like many of my friends when we were that age. She had her entire life ahead of her. Think of all you've done since you were 26. She never was able to do much of what we were because she has been fighting for her life.

I now have 850 friends on Facebook. To those that have donated to PurpleStride-Nashville, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If each of my friends only donated $5 than would be over $4,000. That is the cost of a Starbucks coffee. 

I'm asking for your donation to help us find better screening, better treatments and to STOP pancreatic cancer. 

When I was diagnosed I knew it was aggressive, but had no idea that the advances we've made in other cancers had NOT been made in Pancreatic Cancer. WE CAN CHANGE THAT! The time is now...please donate & help Ashley & pray that she pull through this challenge. Donate and help the other young friends I have that are battling this awful cancer in their 20s & 30s. 

Thanks y'all! 

Your tax-deductible donation is greatly appreciated & it goes to researchers, like my Dr. Awesome who is dedicated to fighting this cancer!!!

http://purplestride.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1070525&lis=1&kntae1070525=89485D9632294967BF218F065E7E6212&supId=387554468

You are the company you keep

One of the benefits of a diagnosis of PDAC is that for many, it helps to get your priorities in order, set boundaries, right your wrongs & hold others accountable for actions.

My Neenie would always say to me as a kid, "You are the company you keep."

Well, I CHOOSE to be around men & women of character that understand that the hard decisions are often the most difficult to make and abide by. It's what separates the men & women from the boys & girls. They understand actions have consequences. They take personal responsibility for their actions and learn from them. They take ownership & move forward making better decisions. They are those that put others ahead of their own selfish needs or desires.

I've made a conscious decision to eradicate the energy vampires & narcissists from my life.

It is the most freeing feeling in the world! I've never felt more at peace!

You leave this world with one thing, YOUR REPUTATION!

I hope that when my departure comes, my son can say, "She wasn't perfect. She made mistakes & taught me how to say, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you & I love you!" She was a woman of character who taught me to choose carefully, treat people with dignity & respect, love with all you have and loyalty to family & friends are all that matter."

At the end of the day all that matters is I can face God as a forgiven sinner. I can look at myself in the mirror and know I've done my best. That my son not only loves & respects me, but more importantly learns to be a better man, a man of character.  That he love & respect others and choose his friends wisely. That he knows I love him more! Infinity! No take backs!

TB2G!
Princess out! <3

The best is yet to come!

Well, to say a lot has happened in the last 2-3 weeks, is an understatement!
First let me say, rest in peace, Dorothy. Kyle loved his Grandmother very much and I know my wonderful Father-in-law misses his beautiful bride. Yes, I still call my former spouse's Dad, my FIL. He's a great man & role model for my son.
Next, the rest of what happened was the result of adults making poor choices and now they have consequences to deal with because of those poor choices. It's called being an "adult"! Maybe someday you'd like to join us. Hell, my son has greater maturity than some of these "adults" I've had to sever my relationships with. All I can do is pray for them, wish for the best & hope we can rebuild a once strong friendship before I die. Of course that's if they abide by my boundaries...one has hope, for the other one it's, "just say "NO" to PFOs" & is a Lifetime movie in the making...hahahaha
Now onto my update:
I'm still working on my guest blog post. I became a little sidetracked by the death of Dorothy & trying to help out a friend.

The above photo is: before (Jan 2013), surgery & last day of chemo! My next super awesome photo will be on my return to work day: September 30, 2013. TB2G! 
Update: I have now completed 18 infusions of Gemzar. I was fortunate that my body was able to handle the 3 weeks on, one week off regimen, for most of my cycles. My body took a hit in the fatigue (anemia) and strength area. Also, my joints & body ache  most of the time and I nap daily. 
I am scheduled to have my post treatment CT scan on 9/4. I am using the time from now until 9/30 to regain strength and get organized for my return to work.
Thank you to my family, work family & friends for the love & support! I could not have made it without that and all your prayers! TB2G! 
Life is good & so is God. <3
Princess out! 

Grandmothers & unconditional love

Friday, August 9th. Friday, February 9th...exactly 6 months from my diagnosis, my son lost his  grandmother to cancer.

Sadly, my son has to go through the pain of grieving his beloved Grandmother. Grandmother & Mimi. They were Kyle's biggest cheerleaders when he was whisked away to the NICU and every day thereafter. Grandparents are special, but there's something extra special about a grandmother.

I may have had my differences with my former Mother-in-law, but there was one thing that I absolutely respected and loved about her; She loved my son, her only grandchild, like nobody's business. She doted on him as if the world revolved around him. Her world DID revolve around him. She always had the best outfits for him, made sure he was perfectly clean and was especially loved. She was bound and determined to make sure he would call her, "Grandmother". Nothing else would do. The funny thing is, toddlers have difficulty saying certain words and for Kyle, "Grandmother" was one of those words. He couldn't quite get it. He tried, but it came out as, "Hammer". She worked diligently with him until he turned "Hammer" into "Grandmother".

Like my Neenie, Kyle's Grandmother was an excellent cook! She made the BEST cake and cinnamon candy! She could put any Southern chef to shame! I know that's where Kyle got his love for cooking because it surely didn't come from me! HA!

It's late and I wonder, "How do I help heal my son's broken heart from the loss of one of the women who have loved him unconditionally?" I realize, I can't. I know he understands that his Mimi, Grandmother and myself love him more than life. That's what great Moms & Grandmothers do.They put their kids & grandkids first. They are selfless & giving.

I hope Kyle feels the presence of his Grandmothers around him. That there is a never ending cloak of love covering him & this will somehow carry him through his grief.

I also hope that Mimi & Grandmother watch over Kyle and help guide & protect him.

There's nothing like a grandmothers love...rest in peace, Dorothy. Kyle loves you more than anything! You're his one and only, "Grandmother, aka Hammer"

Recovery, redemption & renewal

Being told you have the most lethal cancer is a life changing event. It catapults you into a position in life you never thought you'd have to face before the age of 50.

What I've learned:

Recovery

I'm stronger than I ever knew.

I've recovered from what is called, "the most difficult surgery" on the planet.

I'm beating the most lethal cancer.

I have the best friends & family on the planet! SO BLESSED! 

I have the best employer & colleagues.

I am surrounded by love daily.

I know I am a great, loyal & honest friend to those I love.

Redemption:

Given a second chance at life does change your perspective immensely. 

I've learned a lot over the last 6 months. 

I have zero tolerance for bullshit & pathological liars. 

I will not back down for those I love & after this diagnosis have nothing to lose & everything to gain.

I've learned who is worth having in my life & who is an energy vampire/drama queen and needs to be cut out of my life one way or another.

I've learned unconditional love & support from those who are truly kind hearted & selfless. 

I've learned to ignore the narcissistic/PFOs who threaten the innocent. I know their time will come. It's called, "Karma" & I have great friends in law enforcement. :)

I've learned to forgive & pray for those lost, pathetic souls and hope they find their way past the materialistic world. 

I've learned that just because you go to church every Sunday, you're no more of a Christian than standing in the garage makes you an automobile. 

I've learned that there is evil in this world.

I've learned that evil does not scare me.

Renewal:

Starting a new chapter in life is always a little frightening. However, when you've overcome the darkest diagnosis in cancer, nothing scares you in the least.

I'm stronger in faith than I've ever been.

I'm a survivor.

I'm a better Mom, sister, daughter & friend.

My true friends can be honest & we love and respect one another unconditionally.

I have a new lease on life & intend to make the most of what God intends for me.

I will do all I can to bring positive into others lives & pray for those who need it most. 

Next session: 

How we can increase the survivability of the most deadly cancer. The choices you make in treatment can dramatically affect your outcome. 

Tiara straight, fight on.

Princess out!